“Do wise men cry, when the child inside them dies” -Rudy Vaughn
I was talking to a girl this morning, right before we went on stage in church, and she was having a tough time deciphering between what is real and what isn’t. I mean she knows the tangible things and the basics. But check this out, if someone thinks that who you are while you are working, and who you are around your family, and who you are around your friends is all the “real world” they are probably mistaken. There was a time when I knew of about 8 different Tim Kirkpatrick’s running around. The Spiritual one, the intellectual one, the sporty one, the lazy one, the family guy, the jokester, the jerk, the quiet lone wolf one. All fronts. I’m not saying that life without relationship is the “real” me…however, if who we are around different people groups is different each time (am I the only one?) then there is probably some sort of image we are trying to paint.I am realizing more and more how little God is impressed by my spirituality and how unimpressed He is by my lack of it. He is not ashamed to call me friend or son, and in fact He is more proud of us than we are of Him. Is that really genuine? These are scattered and varied thoughts. Bear with me, please, but I’m glad I have people like Benji, and Jacob, and Marco, and Rudy and Barry and Chris to walk through life with, who I can be real with and not be thought less of. That’s the key isn’t it?
We’d have no problem being “real” with someone, if we knew people’s perception of ourselves wouldn’t change, I’m sure we would be as open as necessary. But we cover it all up. We get to busy trying to cover and save our lives,’ see we forget Christ said to save our life we must lose it. Lose it in God the Father, lose it in love, lose it in the poor, lost, and dying of this world. I forget that part all the time. I tend to jazz up the Bible and Christianity and even my perception of God, more than I do of God himself.
Bono said “my understanding of the Scriptures has been made simple by the person of Christ…The Gospels paint a picture of a very demanding, sometimes divisive love, but love it is…But the way we would see it, those of us who are trying to figure out our Christian conundrum, is that the God of the Old Testament is like the journey from stern father to friend. When you’re a child, you need clear directions and some strict rules. But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship.”
You know it’s amazing to think, the Creator of the whole thing, my world, your world, “the Universe” we’ll call it, desires companionship. He desires to be loved and to love. You don’t have a kid to be selfish, or to help make life easy. We create offspring to enjoy life with ourselves. God is the same way, except better at it. He wants to spend time with us, love us, enjoy us, and for us to be that way back to Him. But we can’t comprehend it, and don’t want to believe it. “I have this and this wrong with me, don’t look, don’t come near.” Or sometimes worse it’s “I have my dreams, and I’m not going to give them to anyone. I need to achieve them myself.” We need God. We need others. I am realizing more and more that I am a better person as a fraction of a greater whole, than I am as the whole of myself. “Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in the cage?” (p. Floyd). I have good ideas. I do. But it’s not until I share them with someone who will help mine and refine them out, that they become great ideas.
You want to know how to be genuine? Talk to someone else. Start talking to others, start asking other people questions about them, about you. Heck, you can even talk about me, good or bad, as an ice breaker if you want. But you need people. It’s easy to love God, to share with God. But beginning to do that with others, that’s not easy.
You know, honestly, I don’t know where any of this is going. It’s been a good week except for the Colts loss. I just see more and more the glimpses of freedom that are around the corner. Like the first rays of morning light in a desert. I’m beginning to see that freedom, true abundant full life has been there all the time. The chains have been broke off already, it’s me who’s the one holding on. Let go. Let go and believe.
The one truth that has HELD me the last 4 months came from Miracle on 34th Street. You’ve got little pugnacious Natalie Wood in the backseat having her whole world crushed and being told to still believe. “I believe I believe, it’s silly, but I believe,” she says. I’m telling you it’s held me. There are times when I’ve thought family, my dreams; even God was just silliness, foolishness. NO, that’s a lie. I believe. I believe. I believe.
Don’t let the child inside you die. Believe.
